People have different reactions to my singing, reactions which often speak to their character and how we'll relate to one another. The first reaction is either amusement, fascination, or irritation (these are of course gross simplifications, because truly everyone's reaction, like their personality, is different).
The amused ones put up with me for a while, like a new exhibit in a freak show. The fascinated usually become my closest friends. Some of them never get sick of it -- they
enjoy singing, sharing in the excitement of music, even joining me! Others of the "initially fascinated" category become irritated at times due to mood or circumstance, and ask me to stop. I can respect that. It's the constantly irritated, forever annoyed people who I can't stand. Not because they don't care for my singing -- I can respect someone who wants quiet. It's the malevolent attitude I get which shocks me. It's someone reacting with a cruelty and savagery totally beyond what the situation called for. It's someone fixating on something so trivial and directing their displaced anger at it... this is what both unnerves me and disgusts me.
I've sung since I was little... well, for as long as I can remember. And for just as long I've been ridiculed for it. Not by everyone -- indeed, the negative comments have lessened severely in high school, but it's amazing how isolated daggers of cruelty can wound. Yet I never gave up singing. Perhaps singing is part of my own subconscious battle for individuality. Perhaps, even when I was young music was too ingrained in my spirit for me to ever leave it behind.
